I’m disappointed in Ohio, and it has nothing to do with marijuana. Opal Covey lost her mayoral bid in Toledo, garnering only 494 votes.
Opal, y’all will recall, gave the most memorable campaign speech in all of American history, babbling in ‘tongues’ to demonstrate that God wanted her to win.
Prior to the conclusion of the interview Covey was asked if there was anything else she would like to add. After pausing, Covey said, “great destruction will come upon…” and began to speak in tongues, followed by, “Thank you, Jesus. That was a confirmation, if people don’t give me what I earned in 2013 back, and I’m not on that seat in November, then you’ll see God visit the city in the greatest destruction you’ve ever seen.”
If Opal had won, she could have made an appearance at every Rick Santorum whistle stop, haranguing his awestruck supporters in some weird language only they can understand.
Would that have been great, or what? Now, the utter waste and ruin of Toledo is certainly a cheering prospect — I’m not denying it — but I would still have preferred robust denunciations of the wicked in ancient gibberish. Amen.
And what’s with Michiganians, who failed to restore Cindy Gamrat and Todd Courser to their rightful place as guardians of public morals and, uhhh, affairs? Didn’t they at least try to do the right thing and soften the blow of their infidelities by painting him as a patron of gay prostitutes? They did! And wasn’t everybody relieved to discover that it was only humdrum heterosexual cheating?
Where were the evangelicals yesterday?