Back to the future

Back in the long ago, in those dark and forbidding days before the invention of the fax machine, every engineering firm in Orlando, Florida, had somebody on staff who was known as ‘the runner.’ The runner was an older teen or young 20-something — a college kid, basically — who drove around town delivering blueprints, plans, reports, et cetera; it was a sort of private mail system that companies maintained.

For some curious reason known only to the gods, the children of prominent people empowered to grant contracts had an uncommon aptitude for running. The children of councilmen and the county engineering staff were universally considered to be brilliant runners — even the really stupid ones.

Then came fax machines, which made it possible to send a report to a client via the telephone lines, and then e-mail, and runners were basically discarded.

What do you know? The Donald, famous orange nutjob, thinks the answer to our cybersecurity problems — and maybe even unemployment problem — is to bring back private couriers.

President-elect Donald Trump told reporters on Saturday that messages “should be sent via courier like in the old days” to ensure security.

“It’s very important, if you have something really important, write it out and have it delivered by courier, the old fashioned way because I’ll tell you what, no computer is safe,” Trump responded when asked about the importance of cybersecurity, according to pool reporters.

In view of the amount of business now conducted by e-mail, I’m picturing the downtown streets of Anytown, USA, clogged by grim-faced Pinkerton men with fedoras and revolvers and titanium briefcases handcuffed to their wrists.

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