A former pastor regrets living as a ‘good’ Christian should.
While these memories remind me of the fact that I did spend time with my beautiful wife and children, I find myself saddened by the fact that I should have spent a lot more time with them, but didn’t. Southeast Ohio is a place of beauty, yet I rarely took the time to enjoy the scenery. Enjoying life was for those who didn’t take seriously the commands of Jesus. As the Apostle Paul centuries before, I wanted my life to be a testimony of single-minded devotion to Jesus. Better to burn out than rust out, I thought at the time. Some day, I will enjoy the scenery of God’s eternal kingdom! Did not the Bible say, prepare to meet the Lord thy God? There will be plenty time later to relax and fish along the banks of the River of Life.
My children and Polly have long since forgiven me for not giving them the time they deserved. They understand why I worked like I did, but I have a hard time forgiving myself for putting God, Jesus, the church, preaching, and winning souls before my family.
The Christian teaching about marriage — your marriage can make-do with Jesus’ leftovers — is the teaching of the cult. Anybody who puts the pleasure of an invisible friend ahead of spouse and family is — psychologically, at least — not married at all.
UPDATE: A portion of a striking comment left on the post I linked to:
Christianity serves those who need denial in their lives. It offers a structure for lifelong self-harm. It enjoys the support of society and being a preacher means social status of a sort. Bruce, I admire that you have followed your human heart and told the truth about Christian ministry. It does my heart good to hear my own experience as a preacher’s son confirmed by a preacher dad. Thank-you for having the heart to share openly, to admit what bullshit you embraced …
Devout Christianity is a sickness, and it soils whatever it touches. No deference, ever.