Is Judas in hell?

As if to draw attention to the intellectual unseriousness of theology, CNN — who ought to know better, but probably wants to draw attention to its new series, Finding Jesus — published this weekend an article treating the vital question, Is Judas in Hell?

Short answer: No, because there is no hell. Or, at least, there is absolutely no reason to think so. I know: “But, but, but … Jesus talks about hell in the New Testament!” No, he didn’t. Jesus talked about Gehenna, the constantly-smoldering town dump, and talked about people who don’t belong to his little cult being disposed of there; it is in the spirit of Hunter Thompson’s famous complaint that, instead of a state funeral, Richard Nixon should have been disposed of by burning his corpse in a dumpster.

And could we please learn to make the most elementary of logical distinctions? What you find in the Bible is not ‘evidence’ in any meaningful sense, but claims for which evidence is needed if they are to be believed.

More importantly, the question exposes a very serious flaw in Christian teaching. As everybody knows …

  • Eve was beguiled by a serpent, which caused her to …

  • Pilfer a piece of fruit, and sweet-talk …

  • Her husband into eating it, by which act …

  • They gained knowledge of good and evil.

  • Because the gods were fearful that they would then know to eat from the Tree of Life, and …

  • Live forever, they were …

  • Thrown out of the Garden of Eden.

  • Ever since, their descendents have been inexhaustible founts of …

    • Wickedness

    • Evil

    • Lust, and …

    • Generally, just no damn good whatsoever.

That means you, if you’re dumb enough and insecure enough to fall for it.

BUT! Jesus was sent to earth to be a blood sacrifice to Himself for your existence’s overall affront to the cosmos, and you can avoid your corpse being burned with the other trash at the town dump by joining a special club and giving it 10% of your future income until the day you die.

Here is the flaw: Jesus couldn’t fulfill his assigned role as a blood sacrifice to Himself unless He somehow got onto the cross and was executed, and that means Judas was just playing his assigned role in His Grand But Convoluted Scheme Of Redemption.

Unfortunately, nobody thought about that when the itinerant, small-time apocalypse-minded rabbi was being turned into the all-knowing Invisible Wizard, and apologists have been looking for a dodge ever since.

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