Are you perfect enough?

You’ve probably found yourself wondering from time to time: Am I perfect enough to get into Heaven? Am I in danger of spending eternity as the fuel in a dumpster fire because my hair is a bit too long?

Relex. Bruce Gerencser, formerly a gen-u-ine Holy Man but now an atheist — Nobody’s perfect! It’s in the Bible! — has compiled a bullet-proof list of rules that will keep you on the straight-and-narrow and pointed toward Eternal Glory. My personal favorite, because I like that story about the bald prophet who summoned a she-bear — How do you do that? — to eat some children who were teasing him: Thou shalt be for what the pastor is for and against what the pastor is against, because if you don’t, a bear might come out of the woods and eat you.

Definitely, that’s a rule that would have saved me a lot of aggravation.

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